Ever thought about making the first move?
Traditional Filipino culture gives importance to the idea of the dalagang Filipina who is modest and shy when it comes to men. Many of us have grown up in families that value this tradition. But modernity, technology and the idea of female independence has helped women become more confident and bolder when initiating relationships.
In our society that embraces liberalism but is, at heart, still deeply conservative, is it okay for women to make the first move? The answer depends on the situation.
When should women make the first move?
The prevailing ‘rules’ of dating says that men should always make the first move. But a survey by dating site MySingleFriend revealed that 79% of women are happy to make the first move in the dating game.
Despite the prevailing expectations that men must make the first move, a handful of men surveyed by Cosmopolitan magazine said they don’t mind being the recipient of an aggressive lady’s attention:
Those who said that it was okay for women to make the first move explained that being approached by ladies:
- was a huge compliment
- was flattering
- saved them the trouble of making the first move themselves
- was a nice change from tradition
- takes the pressure off guys
Meanwhile, those who said they were not comfortable with confident ladies explained that:
- they wanted to make the first move themselves
- they were raised to be traditional when it comes to dating
- dating becomes less fun when women made the first move
Some men would also see women making the first move as ‘too forward.’ They may end up questioning her loyalty and assume that confident women do this all the time with other men — a huge turn-off for men who are looking at long-term relationships.
But, as one of the surveyed by Cosmopolitan said, it all depends on the situation. For ladies, what this means is it all depends on the type of man you’re hoping to catch.
Advantages of making the first move
Men are counted upon as the one who should initiate contact with women, but not all men have the confidence to do this. For women, bridging this gap with shy men is one advantage of making the first move. Here are other advantages:
Shows confidence. Some men like confident girls because they are not afraid to say and what they want and show it. Confidence and self-assurance are also sexy.
Helps men who are not ‘fast.’ Many men admit that they aren’t experts in the dating game, although they do visit bars and try to meet ladies. Some stick to gazing and grazing, but never really initiate the first contact. Pressure on the side of men to initiate the chase can actually hurt their confidence. But women can take the pressure off from their shoulders by stepping up to the plate.
What women want versus what they have. Women who are confident enough to make the first move have the power to decide whom they date. Those who initiate the first move create opportunities; in contrast, those who have the tendency to wait can only be happy with those who approach them.
Can help filter out worthy men. There are many ‘dating predators’ in bars and clubs, men who are out there just for a quick thrill. But men who have the qualities we look for in long-term relationships tend to be those who hold back in the dating game. Being confident can help women connect with these types of men.
There’s nothing to lose. Men like to be the recipient of women’s attention. Initiating the first move lets a man know that a woman is self-aware of what she wants and has the power to find her potential partner. Men who move away from confident ladies are actually doing her a favour by signaling that he isn’t confident enough to match her expectations.
How to make the first move
If you’re the type of woman who would like to the initiate the first move, then here are some tips you can do to send the right signals to a potential partner:
- Buy him a drink. This is the equivalent to a hand shake or a wave.
- Move to another place. Bars and clubs are usual places to meet up. Step it up a notch by seeing if both of you can maintain the conversation in a different setting.
- Invite. Ask him to your home.
- Beso. Give him a light kiss hello or goodbye.
- Be frank. Tell him you like him. A word of warning though: do not mention anything about ‘love’ or ‘boyfriend’ as this can mean you’re desperate or too fast for his taste.
- Touch. Graze your body against his. Which body part is all up to you, but make it memorable.
- Smile. Don’t hold back on smiles to disarm him.
- The drive home. If you have a car and he needs a ride, drive him home. You’ll know his address. The opposite is also effective: have him drive you home.
- Hold his hand. Keep your hand in his and squeeze at the right moments.
Is it okay to make the first move?
Men and women have their likes and dislikes. Some women are not made for making the first move, and so are some men. This means that whether or not making the first move is okay, the important thing is to consider if you are ready for the dating scene. Dating has its own ‘rituals’, including saying the right words, following certain behaviours and meeting expectations.
The ‘rules’ of the modern dating world are hazy now that social circles are made closer and more complicated by technology. Rather than try to map out these rules, what women need to do is to follow their own rules when it comes to dating. To make up these rules, try to answer the following questions:
- What type of person do I want as a partner?
- Am I looking for a long-term or short-term relationship?
- Am I ready to meet and date people?
The last question is the most crucial of all because finding a successful relationship begins with understanding if you are ready for one.
Where do you stand in this debate? Have you tried making the first move? Was it successful? What advice would you give women who want to make the first move? Share your secrets and thoughts below!